Yesterday was my moms bday, but I had so much going on that i didn't get to spend time with her. But she did talk to me when I got home she said "Lisa it's INAPPROPRIATE to come home at 4 in the morning" inappropriate is her favorite word with me. so anyways, I watched Jordyne and I picked up some stuff for the pirate party in OC. since I was in OC i decided to go by and check on Renee. No one had heard from her in 3 days. We were kinda worried. I knew she had no money, her phone was going straight to voicemail, and her mom was looking for. I was getting nervous the closer I got. I knew it was going to be something stupid which it was. I got there and I saw her outside cleaning her car out. I was like "NO!!!! they're repoing it and making her clean it out!" but actually she was moving out of her apartment and her phone charger was at Porsha's. So i bought her Pizza and Beer and we had good times.
Then we go out to Maverick's last night it was mellow until the fight happens, but we always know that's coming. At least there's usually someplace to go afterwards, which is what we did. The whole night my legs have been hurting so I'm trying to focus on something else besides pain. It puts me in the weird mood where I don't really talk or smile. Its like when you have to pee so bad that it hurts but your in traffic. You don't want anyone to touch you or talk to you and you can't wait till its relieved. Its like that. Then it gets worse. It feels like some one's taken a bat and has just crushed my knees and ankles. The only way i have to relieve the pain is to drunk. So i guzzle down anything that's around. Eventually the pain fades but my legs start to feel like jello. Its hard for me to walk and I really have to focus on it. I'm always in heals when i shouldn't be, but i refuse to look anything but cute for as long as i can...
I talked to Lindsy about her mom, and her mom is going through the same things I am but a different disease. Plus all the OTHER baggage I carry ha ha I'm sure its a lot easier to deal with the immobility and then pain when your not sleeping in your car and when you have medication. Not even 2 minutes after talking to her about how frustrating it is, I fell on my face. I woke up today and wanted to die. It's so random what days i wake up very stiff and sometimes i wake up fine. I've just been sitting here crying. It scares me to know whats going to happen to me. I look at pictures of people with Rheumatoid Arthritis, its horrific. I can't stop it, I can't change it.
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