Last night i fell asleep watching a house marathon. I'm surprised I didn't have dreams that i was dying from some weird disease. There was this girl on there, she had come in a boat all the way from Cuba to find out what was wrong with her. What i watched she had every symptom I had. First they thought it was MS, her bones were breaking easily,then her heart stopped and they thought it was a blood clot, just seemed like it was everything i had been through. My mom was like stay awake to see what it is! but of course i fell asleep. It would be a lot easier, if i had health insurance. I'm craving that deep breath I'm going to take once when all this pain and worrying is gone.
How do people diagnosed with Cancer get treated with no insurance? or AIDS? do they just keep on living knowing they have the disease and there's nothing they can do about it?
Anyhow, i don't even want to start thinking about that right now, I've already woken up in a weird mood.
It was one of those morning where you feel like you haven't gotten enough sleep, and you look at the clock and its already 11:30. It takes me about 15 minutes to get my legs and arms moving. When i wake up they're extremely stiff and almost numb like. The first steps i take out of bed feel like my feet are sunburned and like every bone in my body has been completely crushed.
I made my breakfast, my mom asked if i was going to the beach today for my cousins 16th bday. I already told her i didn't want to go. I can't help being an honest person, if i get asked by anyone how I'm doing I'll break down and cry. I don't want to think about my life and what its become. So no I don't want to go.
I came upstairs and started typing in here. My brother came in to say hi. I felt like he was suffocating me. I yelled at him to stop staring at me. He asked if I was in a bipolar mood. I laughed hysterically. he nodded his head in agreence. Then i continued yelling about how i hated cups, and how there's always cups in this room. The smell of his lunch was making me nauseous, it smelt like ranch dressing and tomato sauce thrown back up a day later. I couldn't breath, Blah! I yelled at him to get out. My skin felt dirty everywhere i looked things were bothering me. I felt trapped. Today feels like the day I'm going to jump off a bridge. I can't handle this anymore! Life;s attacking me!
when i calmed down I thought to myself yeah, there's no way I'm going in public today.
Laura just called, she says she's bored and wants to go drink, and in a seconds time, I'm happy again.
So withing this hour I went from feeling like today would be a good day to die to wooohooo lets go party! and that's the life I live =)
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