3/30/2009

Yvette Acuna

Friends know that most recently a really good friend of mine passed away. It hit me pretty hard for many reasons.... and I hope to explain a few...

My Myspace post :


"This morning Vett passed away. 2:24 am may stick in my mind for a while, everytime the clock ticks to it, I might get a little sad. But my memories of her will last forever.

There has been very few people in my life that have helped mold who I am... Most were from negative influences. Vett was for one of the first times in my life a very postive one. I owe most of the credit of my sobriety to her. In some way she was sort of my angel, guiding me back to where I needed to be.

She helped me appriciate my life, my life that ill never take for granted again.

I love you Vett!"



When I first heard Yvette was not going to make it much longer I decided that I needed to let her know how much she influenced me. I thought I'd send her a card with a note or something so that she could keep it by her bedside. It would be something that proved she was so much more then a wonderful mother, a great wife, and an awesome friend. It would show her she was most of all a beautiful person.

When I first met Yvette she was going through testing and I hadn't yet known what was wrong. We bonded quickly and I fell in love with her and her family. It was something out of the norm for me. I don't make friends often.

I can tell you that I have a lot of fun memories with Yvette, like how she passed out drunk while I was coloring her hair. But Yvette knows those were good times. What she never knew is that one time she had said to me "Your living the life I was supposed to live" This came shortly after her diagnosis. This came at a time Yvette was real sick and I suppose realising what would be instore for her future.

It also came at a time in my life, that I didn't really want to live. My life was had become so miserable, that I could no longer bare it, or so I thought.

Here was this person, absolutely amazed by me and my life, and here I was feeling sorry for myself. It just kind of hit me hard. Like a reality check. But on the other hand Yvette didn't know how much I admired her and her life.

She was living the life I always wanted. Her and her husband were in love and had 4 incredible children. To substain the love they all had for each other, made me envious. I just adored them all.

Even thrugh her sickness, Yvette proved how strong she was. We all watched her fight her way through the mess, and in a way I'm glad she has finally found true peace. Faced with what she delt with I don't know if I could of done the same... I would of fallen into a million tiny pieces. Through my eyes, she never showed fear, never let a frown upon her face, she never gave up.

They always say that life is short and you should tell the people around you that you love them. I was never an expressive person, I held all my emotions inside. But if anyone had ever deserved my love, it was Yvette. I made sure she knew that I loved her. Which is very well another lesson I have learned from her.

Yvette always loved hearing my stories and my nights out on the town. One day she said to me "You should just write a book about your life" It became clear to me that that is exactly what I was to do.

I always hoped Yvette would have a chance to read it. I haven't finished it yet, but its a good thing that I hadn't. She will never have a chance to read it, but she did one better, she will now definately be a part of it, forever, and forever in my life.


Yvette Acuna... Cervical Cancer... Not a survivor.. But a FIGHTER.

3/25/09

Wow...
To read back on my last posts is heartbreaking and nostalgic all at the same time. I've been through so much since then, but I still don't feel far enough away from misery yet.

Shortly after that my life consumed me, and now I am the product of life's regurgitation. Which explains why I haven't blogged in so long. I was literally lifeless for the last year or so.

3 great things happened meanwhile.

First.....
Rehab. I am proud to say I am a quitter. I am now 15 months sober. Haven't even swollowed 1 pain killer through 2 major surgeries.

Second...
I found GOD. The only reason I can think of why I am still here. Its not because of me... because I've tried to end it so many times. I can't explained how I've survived so I put it on someone who is also unexplanitory.

Third...
The birth of my son Andrew Charles.... whom I placed up for adoption.

Now that my head has seem to risen above the clouds (or smog.. I'm from so cal) I hope to blog about all 3 of those things soon.

Peace, Love, and Farts