Life Hurts

My Birth Chart

2010-09-10T13:21:00.000-07:00

Sun in Leo
She is masterful, likes authority, aspires towards an ideal. A little too pretentious and always wanting things. She likes to give advice. She is honest, frank, loyal, open and sincere.

Weaknesses: pride, vanity, arrogance, presumption and disdain of others.

Moon in Pisces
Imaginative, sharp insights. She is impressionable, with an abundant imagination. Multiple births.

Weaknesses: troubles caused by too much sentimentality, worries, problems, unhealthy imagination, nervousness.

Mercury in Virgo
She discusses, deduces and judges. She reasons logically and accurately.
Weaknesses: she is easily irritable and nervous. She tells off and criticizes. She is impulsive and manic.

Venus in Virgo
Gives help to sick and old people. She is very devoted, does not show emotions: she is prudish and never lets herself go, either through fear of ridicule or through fear of not being loved in return as much as she loves. Always suspects the feelings of others. She is therefore sometimes too undemonstrative, so the other (thinking he is not loved) will leave.
Weaknesses: likes to flirt and provoke. She is perfectly in command of her own feelings, which often lack passion or force. Her love is never for free but must automatically bring a bonus, be it only an intellectual pleasure.

Mars in Cancer
She works relentlessly for the well-being of the family. All the aggressiveness is channelled in order to improve the conditions of life for the family, which is her foremost preoccupation. She rarely gets angry and never cries. She controls herself perfectly. That said, if someone, even a member of the family, goes too far then the anger is all the more impressive for being so uncommon.

Weaknesses: Domestic quarrels, discipline problems with children, house moves that are not necessarily an improvement.

Jupiter in Libra
A high liver with a sweet, attractive and sunny disposition. Likes justice, which she trusts. She knows how to forgive completely.
Weaknesses: she can have problems, because she gets involved in doubtful situations through trusting too much.

Saturn in Libra
Recognized for her seriousness, moral qualities. She is respectable, conscientious.

Weaknesses: not open to new ideas.

Uranus in Scorpio
Intelligent and subtle. Adores research, inquiry, investigation. Very sensual.

Neptune in Sagittarius
Likes long voyages, things foreign, water.

Pluto in Libra
Brings changes.

Sign and ascendant

Leo ascendant Libra
The planetary positions in the houses express the facts relative to destiny.

Sun in XI
Successful career thanks to support of patrons, friends or relations. Knows how to choose her circle.

Moon in VI
Will never be a leader, but succeeds in being the right-hand of an important person. In most cases, she is an employee, worker etc. She likes the country, respects Nature and likes animals.

Mercury in XI
She has lots of friends. She likes intelligent, cultivated people which whom she can have verbal battles: she likes debates, interminable discussions. She likes to be friends with younger people: friends come and go.

Venus in XII
She is devoted to sick or impoverished people. Can be in the medical or social professions. She likes animals, tranquility, peace and solitude. She has secret love affairs.

Mars in X
She devotes lots of energy to work, which continues till a great age. She is a dedicated worker, not afraid of getting down to it. She improves her living conditions. She can complete long-term tasks. She is easily excitable, gets upset and in the same vein criticizes even herself.

Jupiter in XII
She is kindly, and does charity work. She is protected from life's rigors to which she is not immune, but she knows how to cope. She likes working in peace and alone.

Saturn in XII
She likes quiet and solitude above everything. She looks for work (or can work) alone, without being bothered. She hates chatting, outside noises.

Uranus in II
She has a lot of flair. She is unreliable at work, always ready for change. She must have an out-of-the-ordinary job, in which case all goes well: otherwise, she will often change jobs and will have financial problems.

Neptune in III
She has a lot of imagination, high ideals. She is nostalgic. Likes studying.

The houses in the signs
Ascendant in Libra
She will never leave the beaten track. Married and not living with a partner, if she gets involved in politics it will be in a recognized party and naturally one in power etc...She is sociable, diplomatic in everything. Likes the Arts.

House II in Scorpio
Financial success will come either through a job connected with death, (funeral director, forensic surgeon, monumental mason etc...) or thanks to an inheritance.

House III in Sagittarius
She will study for a long time, will be erudite. Very intelligent, an open and independent spirit, will have a connection with foreign countries. Fertile intelligence.

House IV in Capricorn
After working all her life to obtain her objectives and finally having reached that goal, she wants to retire in peace and quiet and to have a retirement full of contemplation, with few tasks, close to nature. As she was very careful with money all her life, she will administer the properties she has acquired.

House V in Aquarius
Doesn't like routine and the banal. She is romantic, full of fantasy and imagination. She is also a friend one can count on.

House VI in Pisces
Job in commerce.
Weak point: the kidneys.

House VII in Aries
Love-at-first-sight, marries without thinking. Doesn't want to change her habits, so domestic quarrels to be foreseen.

House VIII in Taurus
Happy old age, natural death. Inheritance.

House IX in Gemini
Likes studying, is open to anything new, accepts and recognizes her errors, always develops in a positive sense. Likes travel, discovery, meeting new people and knows how to appreciate them.

House X in Cancer
Likes contact with the public, the crowd. Profession that involves meeting a lot of people. Professional success thanks to sense of duty and application to her work.

House XI in Leo
Friends are not always chosen by chance. Even if the feelings of friendship are sincere, these friends must automatically bring something - professional help for example.

House XII in Virgo
Work in a research lab.

Interplanetary aspects
The interplanetary aspects have a strong influence on the character and disposition of the individual and, consequently, on her destiny. The conjunction aspect is variable and depends above all on the nature of the conjoint planets.

394 Conjunction Sun - Mercury
She is intelligent and knows what she wants. Is a good organizer, she likes moving, travel. She likes literature.

382 Conjunction Jupiter - Saturn
She is serious, patient, honest, hard-working, orderly. Her judgement is good and she thinks over things. She pursues her objectives to the bitter end, always knowing when to choose the right moment. She is upright and respects the law.

159 Conjunction Jupiter - Ascendant
She likes meeting friends, around a good meal and in a cordial atmosphere. She is pleasant, jovial and engaging.

148 Square Sun - Uranus
Her independence and need for liberty are all-important. She does not accept constraints or barriers. Mainly extravagant eccentricity.

127 Conjunction Saturn - Ascendant
She is serious, sober, thoughtful, pays attention to detail. She likes to be with older people.

123 Trine Sun - NeptuneShe has a fertile imagination, is full of inspiration, and very emotional - all qualities that she uses on the professional level. She likes the Arts, beauty.

121 Sextile Sun - Pluto
She is aware of the goal to be achieved. She is strong, and always picks herself up after a setback.

74 Trine Moon - Mars
She is frank, honest, full of vigor and ambition. She is strong-willed and powerful at work. She is a little hard on herself but, above all, on others whose capacity for action is not as great.

-74 Square Moon - Neptune
She lacks firmness, she is weak and lazy. She likes to live in a dream, in the imaginary.

60 Sextile Neptune - Pluto
53 Conjunction Venus - Saturn
She has a good grasp of reality and of duty. She is thrifty, reserved and does not show off. She likes truth and justice. In love, her sentiments are sincere and deep, she never plays false. She is, of course, faithful in love and friendship. She can love a much older person and appreciates her intelligence and good sense.

31 Trine Moon - Uranus
She is imaginative and has the Moon's intuition complemented by Uranus' independence and originality. Her life is out-of-the-ordinary, with lots of changes and a great knowledge of the world not through reading but through personal experience. She likes the sensational, new things. She acts instinctively, but fortunately has a good sixth sense. She likes to be surrounded by original people, artists.

29 Sextile Venus - Uranus
independent in love. Her love life is rich, but with passing love affairs. She tires quickly and is scared of losing her liberty. If she marries, she will regret it. She has that little something that attracts the opposite sex: she likes amorous adventures, she is romantic. She is the eternal lover and, of course, is unfaithful if she has a serious relationship. She likes art, anything new.

-24 Square Jupiter - Midheaven
She likes to vaunt herself too much, is pretentious. Only one thing interests her: herself - and she brings every conversation around to herself. She has highs and lows in her professional life.

-23 Square Mars - Pluto
She is violent, brutal, irascible and succeeds in crushing others, without giving it a thought.

23 Conjunction Mars - Midheaven
She has a good sense of organization. She knows how to take the necessary decisions rapidly, is independent and uses all her energy to succeed socially.

11 Trine Mars - Uranus
She possesses exceptional energy. She is impulsive but bold. She takes on risky enterprises for the good of the community, with all the energy she possesses. She has a great need of her independence, likes her freedom of action.

-9 Square Saturn - Midheaven
She must struggle a lot and work hard to achieve her aims. Although confronted by discouraging circumstances, she knows how to set off again and continue the fight.

-4 Opposition Moon - Venus
While she is gay and gracious, she is also inconstant and capricious. She has a changeable nature. A varied love life and a sometimes dubious morality. She is weak and easily influenced, and can get involved in unfortunate situations because of a lack of understanding.

3/30/2009

2009-03-30T05:28:00.000-07:00

Yvette Acuna

Friends know that most recently a really good friend of mine passed away. It hit me pretty hard for many reasons.... and I hope to explain a few...

My Myspace post :

"This morning Vett passed away. 2:24 am may stick in my mind for a while, everytime the clock ticks to it, I might get a little sad. But my memories of her will last forever.

There has been very few people in my life that have helped mold who I am... Most were from negative influences. Vett was for one of the first times in my life a very postive one. I owe most of the credit of my sobriety to her. In some way she was sort of my angel, guiding me back to where I needed to be.

She helped me appriciate my life, my life that ill never take for granted again.

I love you Vett!"

Also... a few weeks before she passed, I had begun to write her a letter... I never got to give it to her...so I reformed it to hopefully read at her funeral. Which of COURSE didn't happen cuz I got laryngitis.

When I first heard Yvette was not going to make it much longer I decided that I needed to let her know how much she influenced me. I thought I'd send her a card with a not or something so that she could keep it by her bedside. It would be something that proved she was so much more then a wonderful mother, a great wife, and an awesome friend. It would show her she was most of all a beautiful person.

When I first met Yvette she was going through testing and I hadn't yet known what was wrong. We bonded quickly and I fell in love with her and her family. It was something out of the norm for me. I don't make friends often.

I can tell you that I have a lot of fun memories with Yvette, like how she passed out drunk while I was coloring her hair. But Yvette knows those were good times. What she never knew is that one time she had said to me "Your living the life I was supposed to live" This came shortly after her diagnosis. This came at a time Yvette was real sick and I suppose realising what would be instore for her future.

It also came at a time in my life, that I didn't really want to live. My life was had become so miserable, that I could no longer bare it, or so I thought.

Here was this person, absolutely amazed by me and my life, and here I was feeling sorry for myself. It just kind of hit me hard. Like a reality check. But on the other hand Yvette didn't know how much I admired her and her life.

She was living the life I always wanted. Her and her husband were in love and had 4 incredible children. To substain the love they all had for each other, made me envious. I just adored them all.

Even thrugh her sickness, Yvette proved how strong she was. We all watched her fight her way through the mess, and in a way I'm glad she has finally found true peace. Faced with what she delt with I don't know if I could of done the same... I would of fallen into a million tiny pieces. Through my eyes, she never showed fear, never let a frown upon her face, she never gave up.

They always say that life is short and you should tell the people around you that you love them. I was never an expressive person, I held all my emotions inside. But if anyone had ever deserved my love, it was Yvette. I made sure she knew that I loved her. Which is very well another lesson I have learned from her.

Yvette always loved hearing my stories and my nights out on the town. One day she said to me "You should just write a book about your life" It became clear to me that that is exactly what I was to do.

I always hoped Yvette would have a chance to read it. I haven't finished it yet, but its a good thing that I hadn't. She will never have a chance to read it, but she did one better, she will now definately be a part of it, forever, and forever in my life.

Yvette Acuna... Cervical Cancer... Not a survivor.. But a FIGHTER.

3/25/09

2009-03-25T13:21:00.000-07:00

Wow...
To read back on my last posts is heartbreaking and nostalgic all at the same time. I've been through so much since then, but I still don't feel far enough away from misery yet.

Shortly after that my life consumed me, and now I am the product of life's regurgitation. Which explains why I haven't blogged in so long. I was literally lifeless for the last year or so.

3 great things happened meanwhile.

First.....
Rehab. I am proud to say I am a quitter. I am now 15 months sober. Haven't even swollowed 1 pain killer through 2 major surgeries.

Second...
I found GOD. The only reason I can think of why I am still here. Its not because of me... because I've tried to end it so many times. I can't explained how I've survived so I put it on someone who is also unexplanitory.

Third...
The birth of my son Andrew Charles.... whom I placed up for adoption.

Now that my head has seem to risen above the clouds (or smog.. I'm from so cal) I hope to blog about all 3 of those things soon.

Peace, Love, and Farts

10/11/07

2007-10-11T16:20:00.000-07:00

So my trucks getting repoed @ 10 am tomorrow and I havent moved ANYTHING to storage... Its mentally exhausting looking for somewhere to stay. Theres nothing on the internet about Weekly hotel rates. I don't want to call cuz i cant stop crying! they're gonna think (know) i'm nuts and not want me there, if they could even understand me.

So I've been looking up emergency homeless shelters and Info and its Dead ends EVERYWHERE

"Challenges for those who are homeless and mentally ill Mental illness can create homelessness.
It may be difficult to find and sustain employment or have a source of income that sustains housing.
Even if you qualify for disability, you still may not be able to afford housing. The monthly income of someone receiving disability income is $564 while the average market rent of a one-bedroom apartment is $700.
Some preventive services that would benefit those with mental illness are not reimbursable services and can result in clients becoming more at risk of greater illness. " thanks for the INFO I already KNEW this

Heres one homeless Shelter Guidelines:

2. Have NO history of mental or emotional impairment that would impede the ability for the client to live independently, and would not have to be closely monitored due to medications and medical issues. Our facility does not have 24 hour medical supervision.

I've called 2-1-1 which is supposed to help with Homeless assistance. theres one homeless shelter i could go to but i can only stay for 30 days. I DO NOT qualify for any other shelters because I do not have my child with me, and I am not Battered by an abusive person (does the government count?)

Its a never ending story....

9/28/07

2007-09-28T12:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my moms bday, but I had so much going on that i didn't get to spend time with her. But she did talk to me when I got home she said "Lisa it's INAPPROPRIATE to come home at 4 in the morning" inappropriate is her favorite word with me. so anyways, I watched Jordyne and I picked up some stuff for the pirate party in OC. since I was in OC i decided to go by and check on Renee. No one had heard from her in 3 days. We were kinda worried. I knew she had no money, her phone was going straight to voicemail, and her mom was looking for. I was getting nervous the closer I got. I knew it was going to be something stupid which it was. I got there and I saw her outside cleaning her car out. I was like "NO!!!! they're repoing it and making her clean it out!" but actually she was moving out of her apartment and her phone charger was at Porsha's. So i bought her Pizza and Beer and we had good times.
Then we go out to Maverick's last night it was mellow until the fight happens, but we always know that's coming. At least there's usually someplace to go afterwards, which is what we did. The whole night my legs have been hurting so I'm trying to focus on something else besides pain. It puts me in the weird mood where I don't really talk or smile. Its like when you have to pee so bad that it hurts but your in traffic. You don't want anyone to touch you or talk to you and you can't wait till its relieved. Its like that. Then it gets worse. It feels like some one's taken a bat and has just crushed my knees and ankles. The only way i have to relieve the pain is to drunk. So i guzzle down anything that's around. Eventually the pain fades but my legs start to feel like jello. Its hard for me to walk and I really have to focus on it. I'm always in heals when i shouldn't be, but i refuse to look anything but cute for as long as i can...
I talked to Lindsy about her mom, and her mom is going through the same things I am but a different disease. Plus all the OTHER baggage I carry ha ha I'm sure its a lot easier to deal with the immobility and then pain when your not sleeping in your car and when you have medication. Not even 2 minutes after talking to her about how frustrating it is, I fell on my face. I woke up today and wanted to die. It's so random what days i wake up very stiff and sometimes i wake up fine. I've just been sitting here crying. It scares me to know whats going to happen to me. I look at pictures of people with Rheumatoid Arthritis, its horrific. I can't stop it, I can't change it.

9/23/07

2007-09-25T10:52:00.000-07:00

Sunday Funday!

every Sunday we try to go to Canyon in for Karaoke, I've had a crush on the bartender forever and on Sundays the other boy that works there is fun to play with too. So I was all excited when Laura texted me with Canyon Inn? haha. It was a really fun night. Me and L got to sing the majority of the night... I tried singing things a little different then what we were used to, because you only know a couple of songs and you tend to sing them over and over... So we sang Paradise City and Green Day.... it was a fun fun night

9/22/07

2007-09-25T10:40:00.000-07:00

At midnight i showed up to a Voodoo Glow Skulls show. It was awesome it reminded me of being 14 again. The night came to an end and everyone wanted to go home and Ray asked me to go to this boys house. She seemed like she was really into him. So I was like yeah sure i dont mind. I had slept most of that day so i was awake and ready to go and everyone else wanted to crash. So we go there and its a beautiful house, but the most awesome part is the pool. The owner was an un-named NFL player, whom which built a fantasyland in his backyard. So i ended the night in my bra and underwear swimming in the pool and sliding down the water slides. He had Mermaids painted on the rocks in the Grotto and i thought to myself... i could live here forever. I could be a mermaid, the only time I'm happy is when im sitting in a pool, Lake, River, or ocean...

9/22/07

2007-09-25T10:32:00.000-07:00

Tonight was a good night. I went to Laura's with the kiddo, and Monica came over... It's nice to be around other people who are struggling as single mom's. I'm surrounded by people who are still married or living together and it makes you feel so low. In some jealous sort of way I feel like I should have or want that.

People look down upon me because i do not have custody of my daughter and they feel as though I have "given" her up. For the first year and a half of her life I fed her, I clothed her, I did not leave that child's side till she was over one years old. I didn't abandon her, i see her every week, yes its for one night but 6 days of not seeing her is better to me then 12 days of not seeing her. She's better off where she is. I cant physically provide for her, and i can't financially provide for her. If you want to come down on me for that then so be it.

9/20/07

2007-09-21T08:59:00.000-07:00

My daughter is 5 today. It's almost amazing. She started kindergarten this month, she's growing into a little lady. Last weekend I had her i had $6 to my name. I was really upset that i couldn't do anything for her for her bday. I knew i could afford to make a cake, but that was it. So i asked her what she wanted to do for her bday. she told me "I just want to go swimming with you, and then watch a movie." awwww =)

So we swam and then watched Phantom of the Opera. At one point she said, "He's falling in love with her but she likes someone else." i asked her how she knew... She said "Listen to what they are singing about mom!" and then towards the end she said "This is sooo sad, I can't watch it anymore, I'm gonna cry."

So Happy Bday Cassidy Mae

9/19/07

2007-09-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

Talk like a pirate day!
Arrgh!

So i go out with my friends tonight, to a bar. A friend tells me , Yes, I think you have a drinking problem. I'm glad she noticed. I've been crying out to everyone for I don't know how long and no one's been listening. She said she kinda felt bad about saying it. I told her if she knew me at all she knew i appreciate honesty, in all forms.

Meanwhile someone else is fighting because they feel the opposite. Someone had said something to someone else and it angered that person. In conversation it was said that she shouldn't be so open and honest about the way she feels about other people.

Is there like a medium? Is there and in between.? I think so, I am a blunt and honest person, but I know who i can say things to and who cant take it. It's in how you fraise things, and how things should be comprehended. I've also learned it's OK to be an honest, open, and blunt person.... when its asked of you.

9/18/07

2007-09-18T12:33:00.000-07:00

I went to the Justin Timberlake concert. It was awesome. I am fortunate to get to do a lot of really great things in life. I don't really need money to have fun. Last night a friend gave me a ticket so it was free, we had a suite, a free buffet, and an open bar. Stuff like that ALWAYS happens to me, I get to experience a lot of cool things. Which is why I always say that if i died today, I'd be happy with the way my life was.

I never had the feeling that my life would be lived passed high school, i thought I'd self destruct myself with sex and drugs, or I'd get depressed and kill myself. Before i knew it I was 18. I was like OK... what the hell do I do now? The only thing constant in my life is that i like to party hard, and i always make the best out of bad times.

9/17/07

2007-09-17T05:42:00.000-07:00

I've been up since 1:30 am. I fell asleep around 12:30 which is early for me. I fell asleep after i wrote the last blog, or rather I passed out, and awoke at 8pm. This is how my sleep comes, i cant sleep for long periods. I wake up for a couple hours and go back to sleep. I cant fall asleep unless I've been drinking. If i don't drink I'd be up for 3 days straight. It's not like i have energy, I'm actually exhausted. I just lay there, my eyes can't seem to close. I don't even really think about much, i just lay there. I try to avoid thoughts, they'd only make me go crazy. Just when i do start to fall asleep, I wake myself up. You know that feeling when you feel yourself falling asleep? It scares me, I don't like it. I feel like i can feel myself dying. I wake up gasping for air.

So anyhow I'm laying there for a good 3 hours, and I realise.... My life is ruled by the number 3. I'm probably delirious at this point in time, because Ive been sitting in the dark staring for so long. 3's rule my life. I sleep in 3 hour increments, I've had 3 pregnancies, I have 3 diseases/disorders, I have sex in 3's(me and 2 guys), I change 3 times a day, when i leave the house i come back in 3 times because i feel like I'm forgetting something, I feel like death comes to me in 3's. In fact I think i even have $3 in my wallet. ha ha. I have a rule of 3's too, it goes like this...

in 3 min I know if i like someone or not
in 3 days I know if I can stand that person or not (because i get real irritated real easy)
in 3 weeks I know if I can have sex with someone (because face it a lot of guys are bitches and become attached real easy and I don't want to sleep with one of them)
in 3 months I know if I could date that person (because sex is important to me and I'm sorry if I'm gonna actually commit to someone then I have to know that sex will be good)
in 3 years I know if I could spend the rest of my life with that person. (Even if its just time for me to move on I'll keep them as friends forever)

It works, its a good system ha ha. try it you'll see.

I'm a spontaneous person, but i tend to live my life cautiously.

Maybe a little too cautious, i never seem to get past the sex part. I always start out really liking someone, I do. It usually lasts a week and I'm so over it. I don't think i have the energy to really like anyone. It just doesn't seem worth it to me anymore. I have no desire to ever love someone again.

later on 9/16/07

2007-09-16T18:37:00.000-07:00

so...
i go out on my happy crusade and I'm drinking getting drunk, and i realise i have somewhere to be, but i don't wanna be! i just want to live in the now... and the now is no matter what time of day it is i am trusted enough for a bar tab! the waitresses her are awesome. people stop me as I'm walking by to the bathroom to ask me how i am doing. Everyone here is so nice =)

I'm hungry and so is Laura so we leave to find a Taco Bell... we can't so i suggest the nearest bar. I honestly don't remember paying for the pitcher, did we? Laura insists were hungry so we finish up and leave. we make our way through the bright summer Sunday and order us burritos. She drives me back to my car.... I get in my car and leave.

I look back and she is gone, off to go home and sleep, so i presume, i look at my texts, a lot of people i don't want to answer. I get on the freeway and as i step on the gas and look in my rear view i realise I wish there was a lot more Sundays like this.

9/16/07

2007-09-16T12:16:00.000-07:00

Last night i fell asleep watching a house marathon. I'm surprised I didn't have dreams that i was dying from some weird disease. There was this girl on there, she had come in a boat all the way from Cuba to find out what was wrong with her. What i watched she had every symptom I had. First they thought it was MS, her bones were breaking easily,then her heart stopped and they thought it was a blood clot, just seemed like it was everything i had been through. My mom was like stay awake to see what it is! but of course i fell asleep. It would be a lot easier, if i had health insurance. I'm craving that deep breath I'm going to take once when all this pain and worrying is gone.

How do people diagnosed with Cancer get treated with no insurance? or AIDS? do they just keep on living knowing they have the disease and there's nothing they can do about it?

Anyhow, i don't even want to start thinking about that right now, I've already woken up in a weird mood.

It was one of those morning where you feel like you haven't gotten enough sleep, and you look at the clock and its already 11:30. It takes me about 15 minutes to get my legs and arms moving. When i wake up they're extremely stiff and almost numb like. The first steps i take out of bed feel like my feet are sunburned and like every bone in my body has been completely crushed.

I made my breakfast, my mom asked if i was going to the beach today for my cousins 16th bday. I already told her i didn't want to go. I can't help being an honest person, if i get asked by anyone how I'm doing I'll break down and cry. I don't want to think about my life and what its become. So no I don't want to go.

I came upstairs and started typing in here. My brother came in to say hi. I felt like he was suffocating me. I yelled at him to stop staring at me. He asked if I was in a bipolar mood. I laughed hysterically. he nodded his head in agreence. Then i continued yelling about how i hated cups, and how there's always cups in this room. The smell of his lunch was making me nauseous, it smelt like ranch dressing and tomato sauce thrown back up a day later. I couldn't breath, Blah! I yelled at him to get out. My skin felt dirty everywhere i looked things were bothering me. I felt trapped. Today feels like the day I'm going to jump off a bridge. I can't handle this anymore! Life;s attacking me!

when i calmed down I thought to myself yeah, there's no way I'm going in public today.

Laura just called, she says she's bored and wants to go drink, and in a seconds time, I'm happy again.

So withing this hour I went from feeling like today would be a good day to die to wooohooo lets go party! and that's the life I live =)

Life Hurts

2007-09-16T11:40:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody,

A lot of people ask me how I am on a daily basis. Instead of writing pretty much the same things repetitively i decided to start a blog =)

For people that don't know me... Well I am 26 years old, i am a single mother, i have Bipolar disorder, and i suffer from RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis).